Hey it's another day, and i spent my time as i sat on the long long train to work thinking about a friend of mine in a sad relationship, i know some of u might say you shouldnt make up your assumptions about other people's lives, but i think it's a different case when your friend confides in you out of desperation.

Well the story goes like this:
this friend of mine had been dating this guy since she was 15, and got married to him when she was in her mid 20's. he turned out to be (or rather always was) a horrible, cheating, wife beating, and emotionally abusing husband!
I can say so personally as i have been witness to one of their violent spats and he made a pass at me in HER house in our teens!
I took her aside after gathering much courage (as i wasnt sure if telling was the best way to deal with it) and told her, but she mumbled some quiet words about how she'll deal with it, and that was the end and of course when he found out i had told her, he said i made the pass (this was the same line he gave after making passes to at least 4 other friends).
this put a big strain on our relationship from then.

Years passed, and i heard from some mutual friends about her marital issues, but never confronted her as she had sort of indirectly implied that my opinion or advice when it concerned her relationship, was not welcome.

Ring: she calls, she's left him, she doesnt know what to do, the stories poor out.
My thoughts: I told you so (didnt say that), i still love her and wish i could throw the guy down the thames with an anchor attached to him.

The strange part of it is, he was always like that and the marriage should Never have happened! questions i pondered upon were;

1. Was she really ignorant of the true nature of her partner and love him with to no bounds?

2. Did she suffer from low-self esteem which was masked by her outgoing and bubbly nature?

3. Where her ideas of a relationship warped,one laden with love and hate as well as turmoil?

4. how did she feel having sex with someone she knew was ALWAYS cheating on her?

i wouldnt have the answers, all she needs now is all the support she can get.

Food for thought: we all have our fair share of experiences things that might be avoidable, either as the victim or the predator, an abusive relationship or one filled with infidelity, sexual molestation, bullying and harrasment all these happen at homes, work, school..... it's quite deep.

How do you as a victim save yourself?

How do you as a bystander help?

Lets all think deeply!

but like i always say to myself, it happens to the best of us.

Hmm...